where eagles dare

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Off for a pizza date with my mom. 

Saucy.

Off for a pizza date with my mom.

Saucy.

*crotch chops into the sunset*

unslaad-krosis:

If it were real, it’d likely be all I used.

Same

unslaad-krosis:

If it were real, it’d likely be all I used.

Same

Priceless.

I accidentally rubbed the bumper of the nieghbor’s van because they park super close and I was more concerned with not hitting a kid on a bike. I say im sorry, blahblahblah theres absolutely no damage, shit’s cool. Then, his jumped up little 16 year old asswipe son starts screaming at me and coming toward me and i have to whip out the tire iron. What happens next is brilliant. I thought i was going to have to mash this little shit, but then his mom comes out and yells at him to shut up and get inside and he looks like a fucking puppy with his tail between his legs. Like, hahahahaha nice try kiddo.

Just. Tell. Me. To. Fuck. Off. Already. For fuck’s sake.

hipstersled:

http://hipstersled.tumblr.com/

hipstersled:

http://hipstersled.tumblr.com/

Re-watching the dark knight cause its been a while

That’s what I’d call an extremely phallic pool toy too if I were you.

That’s what I’d call an extremely phallic pool toy too if I were you.

Well…

I got nothing

Well…

I got nothing

I really like how a couple weeks ago it was like everything was finally fucking looking up for me, then it’s just kinda been a downward spiral ever since.

unclefather:

This is how us white people hatch. Weird cocoons. 

unclefather:

This is how us white people hatch. Weird cocoons. 

(Source: rasterizing)

aryastakres:

quixoticideals:

I TOLD MY DAD TO CHILL
AND HE SAID “I AM CHILL”
AND I SAID “I THOUGHT U WERE DAD”
I DAD JOKED MY DAD
I AM THE REVOLUTION

hello revolution im dad

Do u worship the mighty ogre lord Shrek?

shibe-doge:

I pray to the ogrelord everyday, his bountiful onion glory ogrewhelms me.

My shirt from @dixxon_flannel_co came today. Rad.

My shirt from @dixxon_flannel_co came today. Rad.

Fuuuuuuuck i think about you a lot and smile when i do and then think about how i wish you were here and stuff. Like how i wanna make us banana chocolate chip pancakes or waffles and cuddle in our pj’s while having an LOTR or Harry potter marathon because i know you love them and i haven’t seen them and you would maybe be all cute and excited when your favorite parts come up and gosh that would make me smile lots.


Basically you really bring out the gross parts of me, and i hope you don’t think I’m an affection-starved retard.